taste the burn

thursdy i was having drinks with some friends and one asked me if i had ever been to a bachelorette party. i didnt even have to think about it. no. never.
with a few exceptions, none of my friends are the type of people who GET married. and i have reason to believe that even if they did decide to embark upon that nightmarish journey, the ladies i know would never indulge in the usual "im gonna wear a cheap veil and my thong on the outside of my pants and do shots out of neon colored glasses in shape of male genetalia IN PUBLIC"
i hate the juvenilization (i dont even know if thats a word, much less spelled properly) of the penis. let us NOT put small feet on it and turn it into a wind up toy. let us NOT bake one another penis shaped choclate cakes. dont put EYES on the head of the thing and give it little white gloves. its just so wrong. and trashy.
im not a PRUDE or anything but i dont think the reproductive system is something that we should turn into characters on saturday morning cartoons.
notes on friday:
went to see "black fag" at the knitting factory and then proceeded to BOUNCE cause it was all kinds of strange. punk is DEAD people. punk is dead.
in light of recent events with the inappropriate crush, i decided to grab life by the balls and kick it into high gear. "im in my car. im coming to pick you up. we're going to a party. deal with it." this is how i roll now i suppose.
at said party, there was karaoke. there were these two guys who i could not distinguish from one another. they were dubbed "that guy" and "this guy". as more drinks were poured, hilarity ensued. i made kyle go get a case of beer because there was only whiskey and vodka (NO MIXERS? whats WRONG with you people?)
pretty much everyone that i knew showed up at this party. from all kinds of doors that i didnt know existed. we left the party as a large group and went to cha cha where i proceeded to instruct the bar tender on how to make a singapore sling. poorly.
the inappropriate crush and i bonded strangely. by stangely i mean in a manner in which only people who have slept in the same bed but really know very little about each other can. we talked alot and i think that we established that both of our brothers live/have lived in germany and are the smart scientific overachievers.
of course my drunk ass couldnt keep my mouth shut so i offered up some information that i should not have. like the fact that i had decided BEFORE he and i hooked up that it was on. that i had GOALED for it. that i was wearing my underwear that had the words "born to lose" on the ass. that i hoped he thought that was funny or else this (finger pointing back and forth between he and i) was not going to work. that i had taken my bra off on the way to the bar because it was falling down and it was in my bag.
we spoke of the fact that i had apparently introduced myself to him a number of times before it actually sank in. over the course of six months. that he only knew me as "matt's girlfriend," a fact that made me, to say the least, want to vomit in his oversized bed. i confessed that the only reason i had wanted to hook up with him is that he made me laugh.

holyhot christ