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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "i am the tet offensive" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
06:28 pm
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hey ho freshman year! hello people so something about today reminded me of my freshman year at northwestern and i felt the need to go back and re-purchase some songs on itunes to take me back. and because i am self involved and lame, i will now take it to the mall and give you some high lights: "walls" by tom petty:
And all around your island There's a barricade It keeps out the danger It holds in the pain
Sometimes you're happy Sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean Half of me is sky
But you got a heart so big It could crush this town And I can't hold out forever Even walls fall down
(its so simple and beautiful it makes me want to cry)
then there is my all time favorite: "up up up up up" by ani difranco
and half of learning how to play is learning what not to play and she's learning the spaces she leaves have their own things to say then she's trying to sing just enough so that the air around her moves and make music like mercy that gives what it is and has nothing to prove
she crawls out on a limb and begins to build her home it's enough just to look around to know she's not alone
..... it just makes me happy and sad at the same time. "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!"
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12:04 am
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dropping it like its lukewarm so its midnight and i am at my office (its like right down the road from me and it was on my way home from the movies and i had to drop off checks. i am NOT obsessed). the new office is kind of creepy in an oddly comforting way at night. i only have the lights in the dining room on. i was turned off by the super 80s coke den dining room chairs and the faux marble table at first but now i am realizing that...its perfect for the typing. almost makes me want to write more. mostly because of hand positioning and the height of the chair, i can smoke and type and not be uncomfortable. so anyway, the new office: it used to be a recording studio. alanis morrisette and nirvana recorded a bunch of stuff here. so it has a great deal of history and alot of shit left over. like these large canvases with strange takes on the shape of hearts (one of them is checkered, another has an unsettling happy face painted on it). the walls in the dining room are all mirrors and they even make waifs look portly. the aussies are in town again. graz has moved into our old office and will be using it as an apartment. graz is the head of the sunnies department of tsubi and is a year younger than me. hes some kind of wunderkind and i live in awe of not only his creative abilities but his business savy. at the age of 24. do you see this all you men out there? its possible. do something. holy hot christ it is POURING out. i have to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to go to orange county for a presentation that i am helping out at the barneys store in south coast plaza. other news: yoko ono has officially entered the building. after peicing together the events of an unfortunate evening two weekends ago (where the inappropriate crush was pushed into a bathroom by one of my friends where she proceeded to make out with him) (this angered me, to say the least)(how HIGH SCHOOL?)i was basically kicked to the curb. which mostly just incensed me. yes. lets do that. lets be friends. GOOD CALL mark macguire. (speaking of, i caught a little bit of "fever pitch" today? and i shed a tear. which kind of made me angry at myself. why is it that, deep down inside, i am a sentimentalist? or is it just that movies that involve sports just DO that to me? who knows) so in a rage last weekend i decided to take it to the mall and make out with someone even more inappropriate. like SUPER inappropriate. i am ridden with a great deal of guilt, but at the same time feel somewhat vindicated. tit for tat i suppose, for lack of a better term. i can play that game too, portly one. i have also resumed relations with the arab. not like RELATIONS in the biblical sense (i honestly think that my wanton ways of late have really cut that chord for me) but i have begun a dialogue, which usually consists of text messages about his work as a bar tender and how i think hes a tool. but hes claiming to want to come to the easter party that i am throwing. which is going to be a comedy of errors if you ask me. let me shed some light for you on the topic of this party: i have invited nearly everyone i have ever hooked up with (with the exception of the ones that i have either forgotten or just didnt mean enough to really take the form of a highly sexually charged friendship). if they all show up, the gammit will include: the tragic drunkard, the arab, the pidge, the inappropriate crush and the inappropriate hook up. plus hopefully kyle is bringing his hot half asian neck tattooed photographer friend. i doubt all will attend, but WHAT IF THEY DID? im off to bed.
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02:42 pm
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desperate times call for crack cocaine! fashion week recap so far! get ready for some gratutious name dropping: went to the morphine generation runway show. i was a big fan of the following looks:

and

(in case you cannot see that, its got this great little mini pleated BUSTLE dealy going on in the back. adorable)
no one of crazy note was in the front row (tara lipinski? riddle me dis?) so i landed me some pretty sweet seats in like the third row.
then it was off to agent provacature (whatEVER). which was like FULL on celebrity fuck festival. cher, courtney love, kimberly stewart, my BOSS, christina aguilera. all there. the show as....underwhelming. i wanted more theatrics personally. and i didnt get them. greg was in the front row and he said the models were too "jiggly" (what the fuck man? they were all BONE thin. my complaint about the models was that they lacked meat on their bones. i wanted MORE tits! more ASS!)
yesterday i went to jennifer nicholson and that was a blast. in opposite world. lara flynn boyle did beg me for a cigarette and was awkwardly sitting across from jack nicholson (jennifer...his daughter)and next to paula abdul. (EXCELLENT)! LC from the OC was there filming her new show i think. at one point the camera crew surrounding her slammed me in the back of the head with a boom, to which i responded "snakes on a PLANE dude!" she was in the front row at that shitty shitty show (full of women wearing clothes made out of what appeared to be black trash bags?) but can i just say....my new favorite gay boyfriend pushed her out of the way to get me to the front of the line. i love mikey.
tonight is a trunk show at tracey ross hosted by courtney love. which excites me. when i saw her on monday she was wearing this crazy hillary clinton esq. tweed number? and every picture i have seen of her since she is in the same thing. which is fantastic if you ask me. i hope she is wearing it tonight. and i hope she starts a fight with me.
speaking of starting fights, kyl-e informed me last night that last friday i was itching for a fight with the inappropriate crush. i kept asking him REPEATEDLY if he thought i was a drunk. pushing buttons. i keep digging myself a hole here. i think i am doing it purposely. i've said it before and i will say it again...i feel like its an instinct that kicks in when i know that i am interested in someone....as long as i go BONKERS and get HAMMERED and do stupid shit, then i can BLAME THE DRINKING for the downfall of a relationship....not my general dislike-ability or the fact that my personality is grating or that im not cute enough or i wasnt girlfriend material or the fact that i kind of forced this person into this situation in the first place. crazy out.
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10:32 am
[Link] | A - Available? FOR WHAT? dinner? yes. drinks? totally. A - Age: 25? i keep telling people that i am 27 or 26. sometimes i just forget A - Annoyance: when people dont return my calls, not getting paid, toys in the shape of gentalia, asian fetishes, zooey deschanel, overpriced socks, fire engines, the national obsession with hating on fast food, judgement calls based on eating habits, people who dont know when to appropriately dumb down conversation in bars, modern day hippies, clinging and sinking, drunk haters, the non-fashion forward, tiffany's jewelery, succinct emails, genuine concern, small nail beds, the blindingly pale, restless leg syndrome. im going to stop now. B - Best Friends? everyone and no one at the same time B - Bar: the roost where they have a miller light waiting for me when they hear me crash my car into the parking lot in the back. 4100 where i made out with the bouncer on new years eve. chacha. el carmen. the golden gopher. broadway bar. hop louie. mountain. the karaoke place in little tokyo. B - Birthday? november 23 C - Crush: inappropriate or nothing at all C - Cat: how i feel on a sunday morning.
D - Dead Pets Name: shamus D - Dads Name: stephen D - Dog: the things that dreams are made of.
E - Easiest person to talk to: the lord. E - Eggs: only if my mother makes them. and i need alot of cheese with them please. i once vomited my moms scrambled eggs in the bushes outside an antique store in chatham, MA on the side of route 37. E - Email: is the only way to communicate F - Favorite color? black. like my soul F - Food: tacos. any time of day. F - Foreign Slang: "CUSO!" which means shit in japanese. or "chikushou" which roughly translated means "mother fucker.
G - Gummy Bears or Worms? both. depends on the time of day. G - God: is great. G - Good Time: wednesday nights at kyles for lost. drinks at the roost. H - Hair Color: blue H - Height: tall. H - Happy: right now i am a little shamed. its part of the process.
I - Ice Cream: i like to eat this alot. my friend via and i decided that its a neat diet but it messes with your stomach. i love hagen daaz cookies and cream and also cookie dough. when i was little i used to order the reeses sundae at friendly's. i had them make it with mint chocolate chip ice cream. fudge and whipped cream on top, peanut butter syrup all over, reeses peices on the bottom. I - Instrument: i used to play the flute. now i just tug at my own heartstrings. I - Idol: add this to my list of things that annoy me.
J - Jewelry on: my loin ring, two necklaces, a cranberry bog bracelet (my mom and my god mother have the same one), a bracelet from the concert last night. J - Job: everyones favorite denim whore. J - Joke: me. friday night. K - Kids: dont like em. K - karate: is for pussies. L - Longest Car Ride: atlanta to los angeles. with only three stops. that hurt. . L - Longest Relationship: was a night mare. and cant be measured in time. only in broken bottles, spilled tears, train rides to pasadena, obsessive compulsive phone calls and fear M - MILK FLAVOR: CHOCOLATE. M - Mothers Name: LORRAINE. M - Movie Last Watched: the notebook.. and before that vanity fair. but you know what i really love? friday night lights. N - Number of Siblings: uno N - Northern or Southern: what? united states? poles? hemispheres? i call bullshit on this question. N - Name: mine? daisy duke.
O - ONE WISH: i should say something profound but really....for this year to be better than last. O - One Phobia? just one? open spaces. O - Otter Pop(s): i dont know what that means.
P - Parents, are they married or divorced: married. P - Part of your appearance you like best: my rack. my hair. P - Part of your Personality you like best: my ability to comeback swinging.
Q - Quirk: i give myself hangnails on a daily basis. R - Reality TV Show: no one saw this show but i totally got addicted to this show ALASKAN bachelor on fox reality. it was an amazing reality trainwreck. R - Right or Left: right
S - Song Last Heard:hmmm..... thats tough. my memory is shot. i think it was the kniife. S - Sex: sure. now though? i have to shower.
T - Time you woke up: 930. much to my dismay. this is how hangovers work. i know i wasnt the only one who was annoyed. T - Time Now: 407. T - Time for bed: last three nights? wednesday: didnt sleep thursday: 200am. friday: 330am (or so...)
U - Unknown Fact about me: I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! U - Unicorns: break my heart. U - U are: stupid. V - Vegetable you hate: i will pretty much eat any vegetable. if prepared properly. V - Vegetable you love: string beans. peas. zucchini. V - View on Politics: I tend to lean left on a lot of things, but i dislike the Democratic party.
W- Worst Habits: obsessive compulsion. im self involved. W- Where You Want To Vacation: anywhere. miami though. W- What room are you in: my office i like to come in here on saturdays to watch the free cable and smoke and check my email.
X - X-Rays: when i got that EKG at the hospital X - X-Rated Porn: not an expert. X - X-xtra special someone: what the hell does that mean?
Y - Year you were born: 1945 Y - Year it is now: 2019 Y - Yellow?: is the color of my sweater.
Z - Zoo Animal: i enjoy jungle cats. and monkeys. . Z - Zodiac: sagittarius. Z - Zoolander? is a great movie to play drinking games to.
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09:35 am
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taste the burn thursdy i was having drinks with some friends and one asked me if i had ever been to a bachelorette party. i didnt even have to think about it. no. never. with a few exceptions, none of my friends are the type of people who GET married. and i have reason to believe that even if they did decide to embark upon that nightmarish journey, the ladies i know would never indulge in the usual "im gonna wear a cheap veil and my thong on the outside of my pants and do shots out of neon colored glasses in shape of male genetalia IN PUBLIC" i hate the juvenilization (i dont even know if thats a word, much less spelled properly) of the penis. let us NOT put small feet on it and turn it into a wind up toy. let us NOT bake one another penis shaped choclate cakes. dont put EYES on the head of the thing and give it little white gloves. its just so wrong. and trashy. im not a PRUDE or anything but i dont think the reproductive system is something that we should turn into characters on saturday morning cartoons. notes on friday: went to see "black fag" at the knitting factory and then proceeded to BOUNCE cause it was all kinds of strange. punk is DEAD people. punk is dead. in light of recent events with the inappropriate crush, i decided to grab life by the balls and kick it into high gear. "im in my car. im coming to pick you up. we're going to a party. deal with it." this is how i roll now i suppose. at said party, there was karaoke. there were these two guys who i could not distinguish from one another. they were dubbed "that guy" and "this guy". as more drinks were poured, hilarity ensued. i made kyle go get a case of beer because there was only whiskey and vodka (NO MIXERS? whats WRONG with you people?) pretty much everyone that i knew showed up at this party. from all kinds of doors that i didnt know existed. we left the party as a large group and went to cha cha where i proceeded to instruct the bar tender on how to make a singapore sling. poorly. the inappropriate crush and i bonded strangely. by stangely i mean in a manner in which only people who have slept in the same bed but really know very little about each other can. we talked alot and i think that we established that both of our brothers live/have lived in germany and are the smart scientific overachievers. of course my drunk ass couldnt keep my mouth shut so i offered up some information that i should not have. like the fact that i had decided BEFORE he and i hooked up that it was on. that i had GOALED for it. that i was wearing my underwear that had the words "born to lose" on the ass. that i hoped he thought that was funny or else this (finger pointing back and forth between he and i) was not going to work. that i had taken my bra off on the way to the bar because it was falling down and it was in my bag. we spoke of the fact that i had apparently introduced myself to him a number of times before it actually sank in. over the course of six months. that he only knew me as "matt's girlfriend," a fact that made me, to say the least, want to vomit in his oversized bed. i confessed that the only reason i had wanted to hook up with him is that he made me laugh.
holyhot christ
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08:37 am
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going forward
i feel like i am jumping out of my skin today waiting to get down to ORange County and unpack 70 boxes only to send them out the next day to all of our stores. so when the going gets tough, the tough listen to the russian futurists:
If we had to share it all, like the communists One thing they'd never get to know is your perfect kiss Or what it's like to spend a night in an empty bed With nothing but some pills and you swimming through my head
You glide like Manta Rays and play my heart like a banjo Slide me down like Scotch, I watch you fly off the handle I'd rather write than read and bleed a pen on fresh paper Watch it fly like kites to heights that rival skyscrapers
I'd drag our names from a plane across the sky and I'd watch it fall in flames just the same as you and I that's why
I'd rather write than read and bleed a pen on fresh paper Watch it fly like kites to heights that rival skyscrapers I'd like to count your bones all one by one with my hands and Live inside your house once your gone and it's abandoned
So now I hit the bottle until it hits me back And mess around with love to see what it sets me back Cause I'm tired of all the folks and their shady practices And girls who live on lies and backseat mattresses
When the morning comes like a swift hijack You can steal boys' hearts but I want mine back
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04:24 am
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oh, george. "i used to marvel at the way the snowflakes looked under the setting sun until we're getting numb and could we find the two that match like me and you but i wont answer that cause there's no chance of that come on its not really cold when it snows get outside its not really cold when it snows unless you're under dressed"
the russian futurists sing this in my head on the daily.
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12:08 pm
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run devil run WHOOOOHOOO bring on the noise people! i have not stopped listening to rilo kiley for like three days now. and this just KILLS me everytime:
"I'd rather be lonely, I'd rather be free I'm as sure as the moon rolls around the sea But I like watching you undress And I think we're at our best By the flicker by the light of the TV set Cause I can't remember why I hated you Can't remember why I still do But I'm as sure as the moon rolls around you That I could be happy, oh so happy"
SERIOUSLY. sometimes i think that i dig myself into holes when dealing with new people. for example, telling stories about how i yell "you're so GAAAY" at my boss when he tells his girlfriend he loves her. all i am saying is that i am made really uncomfortable by the goings on of a 19 year old and a 28 year old. last night...well, this is certainly not the venue for it. all i will say is CURTAINS! never knew the idea of someone having curtains being such a hot issue for me. its like my own version of whipped cream and furry handcuffs. im so easy to please now. do you have beer? and proper window treatments? lets do this. never mind your aging baseball players' goatee or those cargo shorts. or that even in your drivers license photo you are posing the same way you do in every photo ever taken of you. tonight i am dressing as ashley olsen and going to a mystery birthday dinner at graces. its all rather involved and it makes me a touch nervous. i think i need to shower first.
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04:46 am
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i need this. this inappropriate crush thing is not working out the way i would like it to. i have a need for speed. and this car has come to a halt people. run out of gas. which is fine. i will construct an IMAGINARY relationship in my head. those are better anyway. if i make up a relationship with a person i hardly know and live it out in my head, he'll always pick up the phone. he'll never accuse me of being a drunk. or needy. and if i dont want to, i dont need to shave my legs. there is no judgement behind his eyes when i say i want to watch the day after tomorrow again and eat ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner. this is MY safe place. right here. all eyes on me people. all i really want is for some guy to indulge my stupid move away to the country and live on a farm/away from normal society, listen to neil young all the time fantasy scenario. you see, everyone in my family has done their boho hippie "lets grow our own vegetables and brew our own booze" phase. BUT ME. they romanticize the whole thing with these gorgeous black and white photos of my mother laying in a field with a garland of flowers in her hair and my fat ass brother (at age 2) sitting on her lap shoving a daisy in her face or of my 26 year old, bearded father standing in the middle of a frozen creek, surrounded by snow carrying like an ELK or something on his back. or by the fact that my brother and his girlfriend are so DOWN that neither OWNS a camera. and all they do is cook and go on hikes with their DOGS in the hills of GERMAN WINE COUNTRY! all of them are so THRIFTY and HEARTY and EARTHY. i chose high heels and $300 jeans. now i am not trying to claim that i am meant to live on a farm in montana for the rest of my life. i am not NOT a country mouse. but even city mouse i am sure dreamed occassionally of falling asleep in the sun in a rocking chair in front of a dilapidated house, surrounded by lazy dogs. i want that. with the soundtrack of my youth playing in the background all the time. steven stills and graham nash singing about freedom. the allman brothers band. The BAnd. CCR. discussion topic that i would like you all to get involved in: the power of scaring a man (be it by temper tantrums, threats of suicide, or pure unabashed RAGE) into sleeping with you.
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06:08 pm
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i steal. i'm a taker 1.What color is most reflective of you? i am going to say GREY.
2. How did you get the idea for your profile name? you mean rhoda? i made it up. it has to do with the fact that i am the RHODA and noodle is the mary?
3. What time were you born? i dont know any specifics
3. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? now: fire eye'd boy by broken social scene. if it were a perfect world: the former miss ontario by the music lovers (what rock did that cd crawl under to die i ask you?)
4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? biggie.
5. What color underwear are you wearing? all i know is that they are HUGE
6. Do you want a baby? yours.
7. What did you do this morning? contemplated not going to work and the reprecussions of that. scooped the water out of my dirty clogged up sink as my landlord will not come fix it and drano is only a temporary fix. put on green leggings. bounced.
8. What does your dad do for a living? signs my checks.
9. Where do you work? in the tallest building in west hollywood on a hill. peddling denim to the idle rich.
10. What ended your last relationship(s)? as a general rule: male psychosis.
11. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number? 53!
12. What was the last concert you attended? i went to see my friends 17 year old student perform at the roxy.
13. Who was with you? amy and this kids parents. i totally gave the kid a cigarette after the show. it was awkward.
14. What was the last movie you watched? in full? nothing. i only watch parts of movies. not without my daughter, the 1981 version of valley of the dolls.
15. Who do you dislike at the moment? the lord.
16. What food do you crave right now? tacos.
17. Did you dream last night? yes. sex dream about naveen andrews.
18. What was the last TV show you watched? WINTER OLYMPICS. get on the bandwagon.
19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry? my big tsubi ring with the lion head. my single large braided gold hoop earring with a twelve in dangling chain and a toy teacup attached. my six inch bamboo hoops. my daisy broaches.
20. What is to the left of you? a pack of cigarettes, two lighters, an ashtray made from a bowl, moisturizer, a pack of printer paper viciously ripped open three days ago and yet to be managed, three empty water bottles, EMPTY music lovers CD case (as if i needed reminding)
21. What was the last thing you ate? funyuns
22. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? hoang "sweet ass" richardson (despite his questionable affliations) or ky-le.
23. Write a song lyric that's in your head? "so rich, so pretty, best peice of ass in the whole damn city"
24. Who last IMd you? boner.
25. Have you kissed or dated anyone on your friends list? in the livejournal format? no. on IM? possibly. i dont remember. on GMAIL? more than i prefer to remember
26. Are you on any meds? is alcohol considered medication yet?
27. What side of the bed do you sleep on? in a perfect world...the right side. in reality...the side closest to the door.
28. What shirt are you wearing? i am actually wearing four shirts right now. they are as follows: wife beater. extremely battered hole-y pink morphine generation tee shirt. green cardigan with floral applique and buttons sewn on. large electric blue tsubi mens jumper.
29. What color is your razor? rust.
30. What is your favorite frozen treat? ice
31. How many tattoos/piercings do you have? my ears are pierced. that is all.
32. What's your favorite store? i am going to have to be a lame ass and name drop: satine, scout, american rag.
33. Are you thirsty right now? yes. thirsty for blood.
34. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? judging by my taste in men? no.
35. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss? the obvious: the sane version of myself.
36. What did you do last night? got drunk with the peoples rev boys, discussed a bevy of things including, but not limited to: ashley olsen, the travelling willbury's, reuniting the band, michael kors, whether a person can reclaim their virginity after three years with no sex, whether oral sex is essentially asexual.
37. Do you care what people think about you? only people that i am afraid of. otherwise no.
38. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble? what do you call me getting out of bed every morning?
39. What song(s) do you think ex's listen to and think of you? ooh good question. i am going to go with songs like "crazy" by patsy cline, "you're fucking crazy" by matthew dear, "bird on a wire" by rogue wave or "take a chance on me" by abba. yeah. exactly.
40. What song(s) do you listen to and think of ex's? anything by iron and wine
*Here's where the survey jumps the tracks and skips seven questions*
48. What is one thing you wish you were better at? smoking dick
49. Do you like the person who posted this last? fully. miss her like a damn banshee
50. What is across the room from you? my other computer, a printer, print outs of back order reports from the last six months, a printer, barneys invoices, all of greg's expenses from the past year, a loud radiator, six empty cans of diet coke, a copy of W magazine, a ripped pair of jeans, a blackened vanilla candle, a large window.
oh? you thought i was done. i have been doing personal reviews for work all day. i am on a ROLL with this SURVEY thing: 2 names you go by 1. megadeath 2. meeglins
2 parts of your heritage 1. drunk 2. crazy
2 things that scare you 1. the encroaching darkness 2. snakes
2 of your everyday essentials 1. diet coke/cigarettes (its a package deal) 2. wife beaters
2 things you are wearing right now 1. denim skirt with six revealing holes 2. a large phoenix pin
2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment) 1. rogue wave 2. neil young (redux!)
2 favorite songs (at the moment) 1. i want it that way (ben gibbard cover) 2. its not really cold when it snows: the russian futurists
2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love) 1. pills 2. short term memory loss
2 truths 1. there is a hole in the bottom of my shoe 2. i really like the backstreet boys
2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex) IDEALLY, mind you. i wont rule a man lacking in these characteristics out. i am ALL about the sound of settling 1. dark hair 2. a hot tan
2 of your favorite hobbies 1. drinking 2. yelling at strangers
2 things you want really badly 1. for the inappropriate crush to come to fruition so i can get ON with my life 2. a new drivers side mirror
2 places you want to go on vacation 1. shanghai 2. my bed
2 things you want to do before you die 1. stop living in fear 2. lyposuction
2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude/chick 1. i have a closet dedicated solely to shoes. top to bottom 2. i cry when watching extreme makeover home edition
2 things you are thinking about now 1. roost night at...the roost 2. revenge (always at the back of my mind)
2 stores you shop at (i am altering this to reflect the most recent) 1. sav-on 2. le chateau liquor store
2 people i would like to see take this quiz 1. nikki (cause if she doesnt update soon, i will pee on her) 2. for the sake of argument: karl mueller.
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